| 18 at last |
[Friday // 07.21.2006
// 8:50am] |
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Yay, so today is my 18th b'day. I know I never post on here so this is really pointless buuuut I wanted to rave somewhere. I can fiiiiiiiiinally go out clubbing with my friends, yay! Bring on party time tonight :D xxx
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| *sigh* |
[Thursday // 06.01.2006
// 6:45pm] |
The trouble with falling in love and letting people close is that it hurts like hell. It's that simple. And it sucks that bad.
I'm a weird being, I know this. I hate conflict. I mean physically cannot stand it. I feel ill around conflict. My response to it is to shut my eyes tight, take deep breaths and imagine I'm just not there. I withdraw into myself. So I avoid pissing people off at all costs. I can't bear the thought of people being mad at me, thinking bad things about me. All it takes is me being nice, non-confrontational and then maybe they won't get mad at me. yeah, i know, its not healthy to be like this...
It hurts bad when normal people are mad at me. It hurts worse when my friends are mad at me. I didn't realise it would hurt this much when my boyfriend is mad at me.
I'm irrational. I know. I'm neurotic. I know. But still it hurts.
I hate screwing up. I hate to know that people have reason to be mad at me. And worse, I hate that I can't go back and change these things. It's a perfection complex. Pure and simple. Well.. not so simple.
It terrifies me that a simple, pathetic little argument has made me this upset. It terrifies me that he's gotten so close that it can hurt me this much. And worse, the plain thought of getting closer and then losing him in a fight makes me feel physicaly ill.
Lol, I'm disgusted with myself. Irrational nebula of emotions that I am. I hate the knowledge that I will screw up, that I will piss him off and that if I do it badly enough I will lose him. Why is it that the only certainties in life are the ones that SUCK?!
Hrumph. *shakes head* I should stop thinking... loud music is called for. Sometimes life is a bitch for the weirdest reasons...
xxxx
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[Thursday // 05.18.2006
// 6:40pm] |
Ok, well, http://thegreatesthits.livejournal.com/ complained at lunch today that I never say anything here... you are the only person who'll read it Katie lol. But Since you wanted to know what's happening with me I shall tell you.
I just had THE crappiest driving lesson ever. IHATE DRIVING! It's sooooo stressful! Every driving lesson is an hour of constant stress. And I CANT stop bloody stalling! I'd be fine with driving if I could just get the hang of the whole starting without stalling thing, NOTHING else phases me. I'm blatently getting an automatic when I get a car. Avoid the whole stalling thing. NIGHTMARE!
So yeah, I got home from school, after a driving lesson and burst into tears. Good way to end the day lol. However, I have reason to be happy cooos tomorrow I see Mike :) And then on Saturday I get to knock his socks off with my ho costume. Woo! Hehe, I look like SUCH a slag in it, buuut i guess that's all in the theme. Buut, how do ho's have their hair?! One of life's most important questions.
You know I realised today that next Friday I am leaving school, and I'm never going back, never, not ever. I will never have lessons again. And that's BLOODY terrifying! I mean, completely and utterly terrifying. Next year I'll have no time table, not teachers, no school work... It's the end of a 17 year era and bloody hell is that a scarey thought. Time goes sooo quickly...
Anyway, have been avoiding work for a while now, but seeing as exams start soon I should go and do some. There y'are though Katie. Hope you enjoyed that lol xxxxxxxxx
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| 'One word.. 'Wow!'' |
[Thursday // 03.16.2006
// 7:51pm] |
WARNING: The post contains extreme gushing and spazzing, u might get bored... i had to gush! sorry!
So last night I went on the date... and... it was BRILLIANT!
He came to school to pick me up at 4.15 and we drove to town... I swear, he is living proof that civellry is not dead. Opening doors for me! Paying for tickets! I didn't think they made them like that any more... So we bought tickets to see 'Date Movie', then had an hour to kill so went for a wander. I assessed his book taste - Good - and his music taste - also good - and his movie taste - again he did well! Then, just to add the icing on the cake, we went for coffee... and he's a coffee lover lol. Match made in heaven *nods*
Then we wandered over to watch the film. Interesting film... strange humour.. those script writers should REALLY see doctors lol. He didn't go in for the arm round the shoulder thing, though i think he was thinking about it at one point. Anyway, he was good company :)
Then we headed back to Wokingham, he showed me his house (and drove into a bollard.. but we don't mention that! lol), showed me the view he loves, then took me to meet his bestfriend - who, thank goodness, this time, is a guy! (not a fan of girl bestfriends... bad history there) I got best friend approval and dinner, n then he dropped me home.
Just a kiss on the cheek goodnight, according to my sources he couldn't figure out whether or not to kiss me goodnight... when in doubt, go with instinct! But we're going out again on Saturday so...
Oh yes, life is very good again. However, i have a few things to sort out before I can really feel happy. Well, one thing really. Mr Scotland. I can't help that I still kinda have feelings for him, thats what 8 months of almost/maybe relationship does to you. I REALLY don't want to hurt him, and I don't want to lose him as a friend. But at the same time, I really like Mike and I'm not willing to have anything around which could jeprodise that relationship. So it has to be done. Eeeek!
But it looks like this relationship could really go somewhere, i'm excited! (Yeah i know first date is early to judge that) But he did say several times in passing convo, that he was hoping for me to be his girlfriend (woo!) And from the feedback from my sources he had a great time. In fact, when asked by him parents how it went, all he said was 'Wow!' :D:D I mean, damn, how on earth did this stuff creep into my life and start happening to me?!?!? INSANE!
And somehow we've become the celebrity couple of Wokingham... people I've never heard of have been phoning one of the girls at my school and telling her about my going out with Mike. Like it's some incredibly big deal that Mike is dating the 'head girl' of my school! LMAO! It's maddness I tell you, but DAMN is it fun!
I'm just SO happy that a nice, very hot guy exists and is interested in me... sorry ramble and gush is over, but I'm just happy.. VERY happy. No doubt I'll be ranting again after Saturday!
Oh and on a lighter note, I am OFFICIALLY my idol lol, look:
| You Are Kermit | 
Hi, ho! Lovable and friendly, you get along well with everyone you know.
You're a big thinker, and sometimes you over think life's problems.
Don't worry - everyone know's it's not easy being green.
Just remember, time's fun when you're having flies! |
Cool nay?
xxxx
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| I gots a daaaaaate! |
[Monday // 03.13.2006
// 5:21pm] |
Hehe, oh yes indeedy. After my pointless litte/huge spaz last night, i now officially have a date for Wednesday night. Yes that's right, the good girl is going out on a date MID-WEEK! *gasp* Meh! Hehe, am not exactly acting according to character here anyway so I figure, why the hell not? Bring it on! lol
Actually has been so long since i last went out on a date am bloomin nervous, but hell if it all goes to pot, I never have to see the boy again! Philosphically peaceful here lol.
He invited me out tonight, but i am once again, by an absolute freak of my social calender, busy! I maybe could have made it to the pub quiz with him, but for now, i figure, lets go with Wednesday and see how it goes. There's always time for more dates! (esp if you like them better than raisins! *chortles at own bad joke*)
Anyway, I'm gonna go n get my work done so that am not panicking bout work when we get to Wednesday!
Living life outside your rational boundaries is actually kinda fun... if not a lil terrifying at times!
xxx
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| Hrumph |
[Sunday // 03.12.2006
// 8:56pm] |
I am SUCH an idiot! So the guys asked me out... tonight... and I had to say no cos I had to go out to something else. But turns out they could have managed without me. So the poor boy who had to pluck up the courage to ask me out in the first place, and I didnt even have to turn him down for tonight! ARGHHH!
He hasn't text back since I said i couldn't make it :( I asked him if he was free any other time... Oh I am SUCH a fool. Life is a bitch!
Am seriously questioning what the hell I was thinking about even starting to get involved with a guy. This is me just after the process of being asked out. Go out with someone and I'd turn into an utter basket case! I swear there is something wrong with me *rolls eyes*
Maybe I should have remembered to listen to my brain and avoid all boyfriend/boy relations... Maybe that would have been sensible. But then at the same time, am fed up of being rational and alone. Maybe being irrational, emotionally insane and with someone is better? Maybe?
Well if he doesn't text back at all I guess I'll shrug my shoulders and chalk this one up to experience... what NOT to do next time! I seriously have the WORST luck with guys!
xx
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| Happy! |
[Sunday // 03.12.2006
// 1:51pm] |
A boy liiiiiiiikes me!
A boy wants my number!
A pretty boy with gorgeous blue eyes!!!
WOOO!
I am SO happy right now. A boy likes me, who is cute and nice and doesn't live a STUPIDLY long way away!
Last night's party was what got this to happen, so despite having to spend the evening in a room full of scarey chavs, it was SO worth it. excited just doesn't cover how I feel right now! :D:D woooo!
xxx
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| Yes I'm bored... |
[Thursday // 02.16.2006
// 2:52pm] |
Hmm I should really make this place look pretty....
| You Are a Peacemaker Soul | 
You strive to please others and compromise anyway you can.
War or conflict bothers you, and you would do anything to keep the peace.
You are a good mediator and a true negotiator.
Sometimes you do too much, trying so hard to make people happy.
While you keep the peace, you tend to be secretly judgmental.
You lose respect for people who don't like to both give and take.
On the flip side, you've got a graet sense of humor and wit.
You're always dimplomatic and able to give good advice.
Souls you are most compatible with: Warrior Soul, Hunter Soul and Visionary Soul |
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| Down with love! |
[Tuesday // 02.14.2006
// 4:53pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 Meh! |
] |
Ok Katie made me join... well i had already joined I just never used it.
Kinda glad to have this place to rant actually, be warned lol! Am probably gonna now waste my afternoon trying to make it look pretty here... This could get stressful. And then tonight am partying with the girlies at my 'We hate Valentines Day' sleepover. hehe, for all those of you who like valentines day... well... screw you! lol nah am just kidding, if you're coupled up and happy have a good one. I'll just sit here and go green...
xxxx
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